Can't Breathe

I don’t want to argue and I don’t want to fight.

I just want to wake up from this nightmare and have everything be alright.

When we argue my heart aches and I can’t breathe.

So please no more fighting. I just want you next to me.

I don’t need space and I don’t need time.

I just want you here in my life.

When I think of the future I think of you.

I can’t see myself living without you.

As I write this poem I fight back the tears.

You can call me crazy, but losing you is one of my biggest fears.

I knew from the start that you were different and I would end up falling for you.

I just didn’t expect to fall this hard or this soon.

I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster,

And I’m trying not to let my feelings overwhelm and take over.

Because my heart aches and I can’t breathe.

So please no more fighting. Baby come back to me.

Come back….. Baby help me breathe.

Feeling This Feeling

Lately I’ve been thinking about this thing we have
The way you make me smile and the way you make me laugh
I’ve rehearsed our happy moments in my mind a thousand times
I’ve reflected on how I’m crazy without you but when we’re
together all is fine
The world stops for a while and surrenders to you and I
And I know if we look closely there’s surely a ribbon in the
sky
Oh so long for this night I prayed
That a star would guide you my way
Mr. Wonder said it best
This is not a coincidence
And far more than a lucky chance
We’ve both said it’s too good to be true
Could it really be that you were made for me and I for you
Could it be that this is a sweet dream I’m dreaming
If so, please just leave me sleeping
I don’t want to wake and not find you next to me
I rather sleep and have this dream as my reality
Sometimes I can be selfish, temperamental, and a little impatient
Calling me difficult or hard to handle would be an
understatement
But despite it all you stick around and love me at my worst
You’ve showed your dedication and I want to see this
relationship run a full course
Because you deserve to see me at my best
I want to give you my all, my everything, and nothing less
Sometimes I’m so overwhelmed with emotions I confuse myself
So I call you and spill the beans till there’s nothing else left
I put it all out on the table, all the emotions I’ve been
feeling
And I look to you for a mental healing
Calm me down, mellow me out
While you continue to show me what real love is all about
It’s scary knowing that I’m falling for you and making
myself vulnerable
It’s scary knowing that I’ve become so susceptible
To being loved and giving love to one man, my African King
The man who adores me and calls me his African Queen
And I love that you always treat me as such
And when you say how much you miss me you always say thissss
much
As you stretch your arms and legs as wide as they will
extend
Stretch them far and straight with no bows or bends
I love the way we speak to each other using nothing but our
eyes
I love the way you stare at me as if you were hypnotized
Or captivated by the sight of me you have just seen
I don’t know about you but I like what I see
I see a strong black educated man who shares the same goals
as I
He supports my dreams and even told me he believed I could
fly
If I put my mind to it
With him I know I can do it
This feeling I’m feeling is different and I don’t know how
to cope
You’re my man, my addiction, my perfect and legal dope
I find myself wondering “what did you do to me?”
I locked my heart but you’ve somehow found the key
To unlock my heart and let love in
This thing with you could be a serious win
This is a first and it’s an awkward feeling
But I’m feeling this feeling
It’s you I fiend
It’s I whom you complete
What we have is genuine
And nothing can defeat
I’ll willing to gamble on this dealing
Because right now I’m really feeling this feeling.

Run Them Fingers

Through my hair, I don’t care

No wigs or loose weaves

My tresses scream touch me please

Long soft strokes from the root to the end

Don’t be afraid I just had them trimmed

Passionate caresses along my hairline

I close my eyes and daydream from this heavenly divine

Sensation and moment at peace

So run them fingers baby, run them please

No wigs or loose weaves just the occasional oil or grease

Hair milk or po–mad

Cause my hairs gone mad

Wild and running. Curl here curl there

Straight out the shower, curls falling everywhere

But you don’t mind

I can tell by the way you take your time

To admire, touch, gently pull back

Just like that

So you can admire my essence and exquisiteness

My strength, splendor, and daintiness

So let them run anyway they want to go

Run them fingers baby, but run them slow

Covergirl

She wears makeup on her face

To hide the scars she can't erase

Holds her head up high

While deep down she cries

Cries because she has to wear makeup everyday

To hide those nasty dark marks that continue to stay

Stay on her beautiful brown skin

And make her only see her beauty from within

They tell her that she's beautiful inside and out

But her view is still darkened by these dark clouds

Dark clouds from way back when

When kids called her ugly way back then

Long time ago but those words still haunt her soul

They'll probably follow her around until she grows old

She's tried everything to make those marks go away

Nothing has worked so her M.A.C stays

Painted on her face, every single day

Want to know who's that girl?

She's the quiet student, the boyish looking girl

She may also be you, but she's me

I'm the covergirl

Leap

On many occasions I have claimed to be ready for love

Ready to feel love and to be loved

By a man who loves me for me

From the top of my head

To the soles of my feet

Through my good days, my bad days, my sexy days and even my bitchy days

By a man who can look past all my faults and flaws

Look past my forever growing list of requests and my constant gall

The audacity of me to say whatever comes to mind

Although I do so with eloquence and poise most of the time

*

I recall saying that I’m ready for the days of infinite bliss

Those times where he will seal each day with a warm kiss

When his spirit will cause me to miss him even when he’s only in the other room

The days when we look forward to seeing and feeling how our love will bloom

From two naked seedlings with no roots, stems, leaves, petals or a story to tell

With each new day they will be nurtured and watered and the seedlings will swell

Into a beautiful flower with many petals and leaves each with a tale of its own

Accompanied by the intoxicating scent of real love to show how much we have grown

It causes us to get drunk and high off our love for us

The love where when we kiss, each of us feel through our bodies a quick rush

*

I have also said that I am outfitted for the stormy days

The days that don’t make me smile but leave me in a brief daze

Although we don’t wish for them, I’m armed to deal with them

I am prepared if necessary to walk the green mile with him

I have my faith that we will make it through

My hope that each event will bring us closer and make us stronger

The wisdom to know that true love cannot be broken

And the sight to see that what we have is indeed true love

*

I believe I possess the knowledge and maturity

And I know I’m ready to experience such an opportunity

To grow intimately with someone else

While getting to know them and learn more about myself

I don’t want to rush, good things time

I promise to be supportive, patient, and kind

But is this enough to prove that I am ready for love

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see

I’m standing on the edge preparing to leap.

Love please don’t let me fall.

I'm going all in.

Lord Save The Children

Lord save the children

Cause this is a world that is very cold

And now they feel like they're fighting it alone

Cause their mother throws words that hurt like stone

She doesn't know that words can hurt more than the strike of a hand

And through her periods of rage I hope they can stand

Stand firm and walk in your light

Hopefully they'll make it out of this situation alright

Cause some kids change their attitudes for the worse or become insane

But none of them ever come out the same

The same as they were when they were born, young, innocent, and full of life

Back to the days before they went through all of this pain and strife

Lord save the children

Because they deserve it and have struggled with a mother who neglects

They see and go though so much and the oldest isn't even fourteen yet

They're still impressionable and may follow what they see

But the oldest is different and won't stand for defeat

He already has plans of running away to Grandma's house

Because he knows that Grandma will love him just right

Make sure he's given the best and teach him your way of life

He just wants his mother to do the things that Grandma would

And he just wants her to love him like a real mother should

But she puts him out the house and he feels apart from the rest

Lord guide her choices because right now she's clearly not at her best

Lord save the children

For they can't choose their father and mother

They need someone to nuture and love them like no other

For they are hopeless and have nowhere to run

They have a father who doesn't treat them like his son

But more like toys that he plays with until there's no fun left

And then he places them all back up on a shelf

The shelf of Grandma's house or a mother's heartless home

Where there's no love and once again they're all alone

When emotions fly they call Grandma on the phone

But one day they'll call DYFS and then they'll be gone

Gone from the home that they call jail

But I call it what it is, a house of hell

Lord save the children

For they can't depend on their givers of life

And a child should be given limitations that reach the sky

Everyone should be given a chance to shine their light and grow

Grow into responsible adults and not be confused on which way to go

I can see it now and their life will be rough

Because they may drop out of school or turn to drugs

When all they ever wanted was for their mother to give them a hug

And show them all that motherly love

But she doesn't and she doesn't feel the pain they're in

And sooner or later she'll have to pay for her sin

But for now Lord could you please just save the children?

Amen.

My Grand Entrance - Ode to Langston

Ode to Langston

Well ya'll I'll be the first to say

Life for me ain't been no crystal stair

Ol' folks say if you haven't experienced a tough climb, just keep on living

I know what they mean because life for me ain't been no crystal stair

Its had splits of friendships

Death-filled cracks

And heartache filled tacks

Missing boards and a bare floor

Its been a tough climb

But I can't sit down yet

The stair isn't sturdy enough

So i'm still climbing to the top

That's where the boards are secure

That's where I can sit and rest

So if you haven't experienced a tough climb yet, you just keep on living

But use caution when climbing the stairs

Take it one step at a time

And hold on to the rail

You may get a splinter or two but you keep holding on

Don't try to rush and skip a stair

You don't want to stumble back down to the bottom

And don't be afraid to ask for help if the climb gets hard and you get scared

It takes time to reach the top of the stairs

I'm still climbing and holding on

Despite my life not being a crystal stair

****************

Langston Hughes is one of my favorite poets so I am paying homage to him with this poem. This poem is a modern rendition of his poem "Mother to Son" written back in 1922, but I have titled it Ode to Langston. It is a metaphoric representation of my life and things to be discussed in my blog primarily through my poems but also through regular blog entries.